Quickwrite

Sometimes I feel nauseous. I feel like something is hooking me by the collar bone and lurching me out of sight. Sometimes I feel ugly. A lot of times I feel ugly. Ugly like a piece of meat that’s been hammered down to make a more compact steak. And then I start to get confused because life wasn’t supposed to go this way. This way without maps where we stuff our mouths full or pearls and get dragged around by hooks. My mouth is full of pearls, big moon-like ones wrapped in light. It wasn’t in my plans, you know? To have a mouth of pearls and bones like hooks and organs like medicinal machines. Sometimes I feel like my insides are held up by pills and ashes, like it’s the only thing keeping my skin from pancaking in–flat like road kill. My life is a collage of red lipstick and photos of strangers and coffee-stained apology notes and splashes of color interrupting reels of black and white.

But mostly I just feel nauseous.

~ by carik on January 4, 2009.