This is what losing your mind looks like…
Don’t start.
Don’t stop.
Just breathe.
Do good.
Do well.
Do better.
Don’t get your hair wet.
Straighten it.
Build your resume
Rebuild your dreams
Practice your grammar
Look good
Look pretty
Look hot
Look innocent
Look unassuming
Be a feminist
Don’t be extreme
Don’t scream
Do scream
Scream quietly.
Make your choice.
Meet a boy.
Have a boyfriend.
Don’t have a boyfriend.
Be happy having a boyfriend.
Be happy not having a boyfriend
Be independent
learn to depend on people
Watch the news
don’t let it depress you
Spell well
write well
do well
be well
work out
not too much
eat good food
don’t get fat
don’t get thin
don’t trust strangers
put faith in the world
don’t be lazy
don’t overwork yourself
stop looking at people that way
you’re too pessimistic
too optimistic
don’t be so social
be social
life is about this
life is about that
life isn’t about the other thing that it’s not about.
make sense?
be unassuming
an unassuming darling
but don’t forget the part about being a feminist
worship god
don’t be too extreme
accept everybody
except
balance is all you ever need
just balance
nothing else
balance.
tell people you love them
be convincing.
get a job
get an internship
get good grades
don’t obsess over working
have intelligent conversation
be silly
not too silly
know the difference
run on the treadmill
wear a sports bra
one that makes your boobs look big
don’t look like your’e trying to make your boobs look big
be a good friend
don’t take advantage of people
except
don’t worry about the future
you’re 20
just build up that resume.
stop worrying.
why are you worrying?
don’t eat that
too many carbs
be good at sex
certainly don’t talk about sex
don’t have sex
be good at it
don’t look like a prude
don’t look like a whore
pull your shirt up
your skirt down
your mouth shut
stop staring
start looking
secrets are rude
don’t be that blatant
be honest
don’t be that honest
do what makes you happy
so long as it can provide a steady income and doesn’t make anyone associated with you look any less than normal
volunteer
don’t get overly-involved
don’t be cold.
for fuck sake have some confidence
don’t be self-indulged
write well
read well
add well
speak well
divide well
multiply well
analyze well
be mysterious
don’t be a freak
Fitter, happier, more productive,
comfortable,
not drinking too much,
regular exercise at the gym
(3 days a week),
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries ,
at ease,
eating well
(no more microwave dinners and saturated fats),
a patient better driver,
a safer car
(baby smiling in back seat),
sleeping well
(no bad dreams),
no paranoia,
careful to all animals
(never washing spiders down the plughole),
keep in contact with old friends
(enjoy a drink now and then),
will frequently check credit at
(moral) bank (hole in the wall),
favors for favors,
fond but not in love,
charity standing orders,
on Sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants),
car wash
(also on Sundays),
no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate,
nothing so childish – at a better pace,
slower and more calculated,
no chance of escape,
now self-employed,
concerned (but powerless),
an empowered and informed member of society
(pragmatism not idealism),
will not cry in public,
less chance of illness,
tires that grip in the wet
(shot of baby strapped in back seat),
a good memory,
still cries at a good film,
still kisses with saliva,
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick,
that’s driven into
frozen winter shit
(the ability to laugh at weakness),
calm,
fitter,
healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics.
Sample looping in background:
[This is the Panic Office, section nine-seventeen may have been hit. Activate the following procedure.]
Radiohead – Fitter Happier
did you read my mind?
youre a great writer, carina! jealous.